Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How NOT to Deal with Difficult People

1. Let them get to you, allowing them to wield psychological power over you to the point that they are all you can think about or talk about (um, or write about).

2. Allow your experiences with said difficult person to lead you into making broad generalizations regarding their culture or creed (or gene pool).

3. Refer to difficult people as Satan spawn or Nazis.

4. Rehash every negative experience had with said difficult person and conclude that they are in fact the antichrist.

5. Psychoanalyze their motives until you succeed at making your head explode, as you come to the realization that they are actually not even fully human, but 90% cybernetic, and therefore incapable of human emotion.

6. Spend inordinate amounts of time plotting revenge, involving the staging of an alien encounter just to freak said difficult person out (unless they are cyborgs—see number 5 above, in which case you're plum outta luck 'cause they are probably fearless).

7. Continue to put time and attention into the gifts you give said person (applicable only for difficult people to which you're related, through marriage or otherwise, because really, what other reason would induce you to give such an ornery person a gift in the first place)...gifts and thoughts that are seldom appreciated, and quite often vociferously criticized.

8. Continue to fruitlessly look for common ground in an effort to win said difficult person over, thinking naively that you're Pollyanna-esque and quite possibly the only person on earth able to tame them with your goodness and sincerity, only to find out later that your every effort is summarily shot down.

9. Engage said difficult person in conversation, in an effort to take the higher road, whilst feigning interest in all of said difficult person's favorite activities (e.g. being evil). This seldom has the intended effect.

10. Subject your children to said difficult person and call it diversity training.

11. Snort loudly, or stand in bewildered silence when a mutual acquaintance inquires about said person, especially when the acquaintance only knows the difficult person's good side and their inquiry and subsequent comments come off even a slight bit adulatory.

12. And related to number 11... Give in to temptation and tell sincere inquirer person all that you know about how said difficult person hates puppies and all else that is good in the world. That'll show 'em.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Day Two of Lent and Not Up to Scratch? Add Something In!

Every year I have all of these great ideas on all of the changes I need to make in order to have a spiritually edifying Lenten experience. This in and of itself is not a problem. The problem is that I want to go whole hog, and end up overwhelming myself with self-prescribed regulations, much like I do on most years when coming up with a laundry list of New Year’s resolutions. It’s like setting myself up for failure, demanding not just one thing of myself, but several, as if I can go from being undisciplined to being an ascetic in forty days' time. And please note here that I’m not really talking about “giving stuff up for Lent.” In reality, that sort of stuff doesn’t work as well for me. Giving stuff up, like actual "stuff," is easy. I have incredible will power when it comes to this sort of thing, and after a while, avoiding specific things becomes less and less difficult and just becomes the new normal (like the time I gave up sugar in my tea, and then midway through Lent didn’t even mind as I couldn’t stand the thought of sweetened tea ever again). It’s the “adding stuff in” that I find most difficult, and therefore more worthy of my time, from a spiritual standpoint. And as to my criteria, the kind of stuff I’d be adding in, in my opinion, shouldn’t be dually purposed, because the ulterior purpose can eventually take precedent over the other spiritual one, until it becomes the greater of the two. For example, I can determine that I want to add in more exercise in acknowledgement that my body is a temple of God, and feel that I’ve addressed my spiritual criteria in settling with that change in behavior. Yet somewhere in my psyche, there will be the niggling feeling that an ulterior purpose (i.e. losing weight, feeling more attractive/giving in to vanity, etc.) would eventually become par with or even surpass the spiritual reasons I previously had in settling with the change in the first place. Honestly, the truth is that I should be exercising more anyway, and not use Lent as an excuse to do so. Of course, one can argue that there are many other benefits to exercising that are not those parenthetically noted, and as Catholics, we should strive to keep our bodies fit, healthy, and strong, but I struggle with those being my real reasons. Often I just want to look good in my jeans. Yeah, vanity. I guess it comes down to knowing yourself, and I have myself pretty much pegged.

And so I tend to struggle with determining what to do differently every year during Lent. I’m sure I can be rightly accused of over-thinking this, but what else is new? It would be out of character for me to not over-think. But what if you’re married to the idea of giving something up, rather than adding something in? If so, here are some pretty neat suggestions. The list is geared toward teens, but seeing as I still feel like a fourteen year old on most days, I still think several of them apply to even a thirty-something like me. Besides, I found several of the ideas unique. Never thought of giving up my pillow!

Ultimately, I’m still firmly in the “add stuff in” camp, because if there’s something that I really value, it’s my time. The more I add in, particularly the addition of time spent serving others (in this case, even my own family qualifies), the less time I have to enjoy other more selfish pursuits. In consideration of this, I’ll be adding stuff in as I go along, whatever those things may be and as situations arise, making sure that I remain consistent. And what better way of keeping track of every time I give up my time (you see, "adding in" can mean "giving up" as well, but it sounds more positive...to me anyway!) than to use St. Therese's sacrifice beads? Just move a bead over every time you sacrifice a bit of your time.

With that said, I have to add in some more school time with the kids, even if I’m technically still on my lunch break.

Wishing you all a very blessed Lenten season!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Series of Awkward Events

Hello. My name is Patty, and I am no stranger to awkward situations. I’m sure that I contribute to the awkwardness at least half of the time, but the incidents over the past few weeks however, were totally not my fault. I think.

Scenario number 1: Running into someone you know outside of the environment in which you’re accustomed to seeing them

If you’re like me, and you associate people with specific places, then it’s always weird to run into them elsewhere. This is kind of like seeing your high school French teacher shopping at Victoria’s Secret. But even running into someone you know from church at the grocery store can be awkward, particularly if you know them well enough to greet them, but know little else about them. Worse still is when you exchange pleasantries and say your good-byes in aisle 11, only to run into them a few minutes later in aisle 13. Awkward.

In any case, we had a similarly awkward experience while on line in the grocery store a few weeks ago. One of my kids spotted an acquaintance of ours standing in the next line. Once spotted, and eye contact was made, my family politely greeted them. Their reaction was priceless.

Here’s the play-by-play:

My family: Oh, hi guys! {Big smiles}

The others: Oh, hi. {Then they proceeded to turn away, facing forward, and completely ignored us the whole time they were on line).

And it was a longish line, and there we were, standing fairly close to each other in silence as we each waited for our turns at our respective registers. Awkward.

The thing about these awkward encounters is that you always end up wondering if you ever did or said something off-putting in your whole history of knowing the person or people involved. I don’t think we did, but I don’t have a crystal ball either.

Frank, my husband, is the best at coming up with possible scenarios, all in an effort to place the blame squarely on the other party, thereby making me feel better and assuring me that I’m not repugnant after all. Here were some of his explanations:

1 – They were caught red-handed, buying equipment for a homemade bomb.
2 – One or more of them suffer from halitosis.
3 – A combination of numbers one and two.

And yes, these explanations actually did make me feel better.

Scenario number 2: Seeing someone you know since childhood and having an awkward exchange, as if you don’t even know each other at all

So the other day, upon leaving Target, I thought I spotted an old school acquaintance. My eyesight has been so poor lately (am overdue for an upgrade on my glasses), that I refrained from shouting my hello from several feet away. When close enough to be certain that it was who I thought it was, I enthusiastically shouted out my greeting. Yes, shouted.

Play-by-play:

Me: Hey, how ya doin’?!?!?

Childhood friend: {With odd sort of smile/smirk on face} Hey…

And he proceeded to walk briskly past me.

Seeing as my voice volume was already at eleven, my response of “That was weird,” rang out for all to hear. Awkward.

My husband’s explanations:

1 – The guy very obviously had just sharted (classy, I know), and was making his way to the Target bathroom asap. (Have I mentioned that my husband and I have an eight-year-old's sense of humor)?
2 – He had just had an argument with his wife over his frequent salutation of uber hot women in Target parking lots, and then I come along and add extra fuel to the fire. (Um, I really loved this one, as I get to pretend I’m hot).
3 – A combination of numbers one and two. Obviously.

Scenario number 3: Talking to, or touching a complete stranger, thinking that he or she is your spouse, sibling, or child. Okay, this one is totally my fault, and as flighty as I am, it’s happened to me several times.

So we were at a close-out sale, and this guy, who I thought was my husband, was flipping through the posters on that flipper poster thingie that’s usually attached to a wall. I proceeded to comment on the posters he was going through.

Play-by-play, although I can’t vouch for the exact wording:

{Approaching poster area…}

Me: Oh brother, what is it about men and squat posters? {This was actually just a joke meant towards my husband, as there were no such posters there. Then I proceeded to step in front of the guy and flip posters, without any regard to him and his poster needs.}

Perplexed stranger guy: What?

Me: {Feeling of dread overcomes me as the unfamiliar voice registers and I turn to face a total stranger…} Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. {Quickly depart. And I do mean quickly.}

Now that was awkward. And embarrassing.

So for all of you lamenting your or others' awkwardness, you are not alone. Feel free to share your stories, and make me feel better. Think of it as therapy.

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Dream Revisited

My husband and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary in October, and throughout our marriage, there have only been a few things that have remained consistent, at least with regard to our dreams and pursuits, and how we’ve chosen to raise our family. Everything else has been left open-ended and negotiable. But as for our dreams—yes, they’ve been consistent, and suffice it to say that we dream big. Really big. Sometimes I feel like in idiot, clutching onto what others may think of as pipedreams, but what’s the harm in keeping the faith?

And so, over the long weekend, my husband and I found ourselves discussing big dream numero uno—building our own affordable ecologically sound straw bale home. Buying just any home wouldn’t be the same. This would be a home we’d have a hand in building ourselves, and would give us the opportunity of creating a living space that fits us, rather than the other way around. Oh, how romantic, right? But it’s kind of scary, too. So I go through periods of intense fear over the thought of even embarking on such a journey, particularly as I have absolutely no building experience, and because I haven’t a clue how to even wire or plumb a house. And I cannot say with any certainty that my husband knows much about these sorts of things either. But he’s a glass half full kind of person, so he says he’d be up for the challenge. The reality, however, is that we still, as a couple, have a half dozen or so incomplete home projects, and this realization kind of puts a damper on my big dreaming. Not to mention he works full time, and I am otherwise engaged myself, obsessing over any number of things. What a pair we make!

Keeping in mind all of the above, and that this is all just a dream (so far anyway), please allow me to gush about my absolutely awesome all-in-my-head dream home.

1 - As mentioned, it would be a straw bale construction, coated in cob, and finished with a rendering of lime.

2 - It would make use of materials that could be locally gathered, and built to complement its surroundings and make the best use of its location.

3 - Two words: Solar Panels

4 - It would have earthen floors with radiant heating.

5 - It would preferably be two floors (husband insists, but I’m open to just one).

6 - It would have built-in bookshelves, of course!

7 - It would have an open floor plan. Too many walls seem too constricting to me. I love descriptions of homes that include the verb "spills." For example, "the living room spills out into the spacious family room." Gratuitous space. I love it.

8 - It would have an enclosed courtyard as I’ve been dreaming of such a thing since I was a child. (And now that we’re all involved in martial arts, how absolutely awesome would it be to have an enclosed outdoor area for practice? And no, yards are just not the same. Courtyard = Win!)

I’m sure I can think of more to say, but I’m antsy to get back to Googling for more information. To be honest, I’m more of a hire-it-out sort of girl, but in my dream scenario, I’d still like to have a part in some of the work. I’m sure I can stack bales, and applying cob, while surely time consuming, doesn’t seem that difficult or impossible. All the other stuff however, like making plans, building a frame, and handling the wiring and plumbing however, that’s the part I’d gladly farm out. Hmmm…when I think of it that way, it doesn’t seem that wholly pipe-dreamish. Oh, the possibilities!

I’ll leave you all with this really neat video on straw bale construction.



Tons of work to be sure, but I’d imagine building one’s own home would really transform a person, and that the benefits and sense of accomplishment would be long-lasting and great indeed.